I would rather penetrate my asshole with
a penis gun then go back to playing WoW.
The Holocaust Nobody is Talking ABout
Posted: 2 weeks ago
We've all kept quiet about it over the years, pretending it didn't happen and pushing the mere thought of it out of our minds. I've decided to finally come out and discuss this issue and I hope that you can all work through the painful memories with me. Discussing these things keeps our minds open and allows us to greive properly as to not cause us any mental damage.
The circumstances at the end of Return of the Jedi lead inevitably to an environmental disaster on the Endor moon. The explosion of a small artificial moon in low orbit sends a meteoric rain onto the ewok sanctuary, on a scale unmatched since Endor formed. Through either direct atmospheric injection of small particles, or showers of ejecta from large impacts, the atmosphere will be filled with smoke and fallout causing a gargantuan nuclear-winter effect.
Unless the rebel commandoes on Endor were executing a suicide mission, the rebel fleet was evidently able to intervene to protect their immediate vicinity: probably an area comparable to Luxembourg. Debris fragments amounting to the mass of the rebel fleet might conceivably have been diverted from that particular locality (by the exertion of the fleet's tractor beams) and onto adjacent areas of the Endorian globe. However this is only a tiny fraction of the total mass incident on the moon during an event lasting mere minutes. The mass of the entire debris cloud and fireball is incomparably (inexorably) greater than the combined mass of both fleets over Endor.
A general climatological catastrophe was unavoidable. Averting the disaster would have required physical action on a scale greater than the construction of a Death Star, within minutes of the battle station's explosion.
Immediately following ROTJ the Endor moon has become unliveable, meaning that the ewoks are extinct except for those:
* who were already offworld, having taken passage with traders or Imperial sapientologists;
* who were subjects in off-world medical or biological research [X-Wing novels];
* who were evacuated by the rebels and resettled elsewhere;
* who hibernated for a decade or so (assuming that they can survive anoxia and poisoning by nitrogen oxides).
This page is not concerned with environmental amelioration. The New Republic, former-Imperial warlords, the Svivreni or galactic conservationists could make attempts to terraform and repair the moon, but these are long-term measures and cannot stop the immediate damage that occurs within minutes and hours of the explosion. The scope of galactic technology is not great enough to magically restore ecosystems buried beneath dozens of metres of metallic dust or debris, nor resurrect life forms smothered by a chemically-altered atmosphere. Artificial structures, like the urban terrain of Coruscant after Dark Empire, can be replaced or restored globally in a year-long rebuilding project that is comparable to the construction of a Death Star. However trees and living systems are no so quick to restore. At the very least, if all the Endorian species were preserved off-world, the replanted forests would take decades to grow. In any case, amelioration and restoration projects, and the motives of whoever implements them, are in the realm of speculation. The biotic catastrophe itself is a well founded and direct consequence of the observable events of the STAR WARS canon.
Continued...
Judge Orders Loud Hip-Hop Fan To Endure Beethoven
Posted: 1 month ago
A Judge in Illinois ordered a hip-hop fan who had violated noise levels to endure 20-hours of compositions by Beethoven.
Andrew Vactor was fined $150 after he persisted in playing his favourite hip-hop music at loud volumes through his car stereo.
But Champaign County Municipal Court Judge Susan Fornof-Lippencott promised to cut the fine to $35 if Vactor agreed to broaden his musical horizons.
The Judge said she wanted the punishment to show the defendant what it felt like to listen to music he didn't want to.
However, Vactor was only able to manage 15 minutes of Beethoven before giving in and paying the full fine.
Speaking to the Associated Press, he said: "I didn't have the time to deal with that. I just decided to pay the fine."
Judge Fornof-Lippencott has a history of unusual sentences.
In one case of financial irresponsibility, she offered defendants the chance to escape heavy fines by watching a TV documentary about fiscal prudence.
Human Achievements
Posted: 2 months ago
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991 (roughly 0.8 liters).
LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.
ZITS
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1inch.
WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a ‘C*nt Pump’ (I’ve, um, “heard” that it’s not bad. Oh, hush up ).
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a ’substantial’ amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American who, produced a ’staggering turd’ over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state (any coincidence Taco Bell is headquartered there? Ever hear of a grain product called bran there, buddy?
MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds (forget the WWI German gases or Saddam! FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, WHATEVER YA DO DON’T LIGHT A MATCH!!! Can you imagine the blue angel off that one? Large enough to thaw friggin’ Siberia).
WAR
Posted: 2 months ago
Server: Hochland (Open RVR)
Faction: Order
Guild Name: (i don't really know yet ;s)
Ball up faggots.
How to tell when you're the worst person ever
Posted: 3 months ago
A simple checklist for you:
1) Do you, or have you ever wished to become a librarian?
2) Did you ever fufil that wish and graduate library school?
3) In a moment of utterly retarded inspiration, did you decide to celebrate your graduation by getting the Dewey Decimal System Number for the books in the Harry Potter series.
I. Fucking. Shit. You. Not.
"Beccca" has decided to ruin the rest of her adult life by doing such things. Photographic proof:
One can only assume she is American.